Recently I’ve been working with essential oils as a part of my “resource kit” for healing for both myself and my clients.
The company I’m getting my oils from has an array of pure, therapeutic grade alchemical blends.
My mind isn’t easily blown. I’m actually kind of a skeptic.
But I’ve got to say, these oils are doing it consistently with their power to shift my state of well-being on the physical, emotional and spiritual levels.
I had such a deep and profound experience the past few weeks with a particular one of the blends that I felt called to share it with you, my dear reader.
For most of my adult life I’ve been reading spiritual literature.
I bet you’ve read some of this stuff yourself if you’re following what I’m up to.
Most of what is out there has this one thing in common.
They tell us that forgiveness is important.
That when we can FORGIVE we can set ourselves free.
Great. Easy peasy, right?
Well maybe for some.
For many years I struggled with the concept of forgiveness and here’s why.
Everyone tells us all we need to do to be happy is forgive, but no one really tells you HOW to do this amazing forgiveness thing.
In case you don’t know me very well yet, one thing about me is that I’m not a fan of blanket new-agey ideas that tell me to just do xyz and everything will be all good.
I like to understand things and while I’m very spiritual I’m interested in direct experience. And science.
And if life actually worked like that – if it was that easy to be happy and free and peaceful then the world would be a much different place than it is, don’t you think?
I like to believe that everybody on this earth has that in common. That we all want to be happy and have peace.
My theory is that it’s just that some people have very convoluted ways of going about trying to get to happiness and peace, and most of those ways actually cause more suffering.
And maybe a big part of that is to do with forgiveness.
Think about Israel and Palestine for a moment. Generations of people killing each other out of mostly revenge.
Trying desperately to alleviate such deep suffering.
Trying desperately to find peace.
Even in our relatively peaceful North American society, there is so much suffering being caused by trying to find peace through consumption of food, technology, media, and all the ways we try to fill the empty moments to keep ourselves from feeling what is underneath the surface of our skin.
I believe that a big part of what we spend so much time trying not to feel is pain from past events that gets stuck in our bodies.
One of the things that happens with past pain is we can get stuck in the pain of what is sometimes called the VICTIM.
When someone else does something to us that harms us – body, mind or spirit – and we feel overwhelmed by the pain, we can get stuck right there.
We can get stuck in the moment in time where the harm takes place – where we weren’t able to defend ourselves for whatever reason.
Maybe we were too small, or too scared, or maybe both.
In that moment it is like our power gets taken away.
Our nervous system registers, “You can’t do anything about this.”
In that moment when our power gets taken away, we lose a little part of ourselves.
But there is something else that happens.
A neuropathway is created that says, “Give up your power and you will survive.” or “Powerlessness helps you survive.”
In the moment when we gave up our power, that response may have been appropriate.
We maybe DID need to give up in order to survive.
But then what happens?
When we try to use this, “circuitry” in our everyday life?
What happens when our default response – our most used neuropathway – becomes like this:
Feeling: Overwhelmed/Painful/Challenging/Don’t like this situation
Response: Give Up Power
Not good, right?
Okay – so back to this idea of forgiveness.
For many years this is what I thought/read/interpreted that this was what forgiveness was:
Get to a place in myself where what happened is okay.
Can you guess what happened every time I tried to “forgive?”
Quite appropriately, a very smart and self-preserving part of me would say this:
“Fuck that. That shit is NOT okay and will NEVER be okay. Forgiveness is stupid.”
Working with the doTERRA Forgive blend the past few weeks, I’ve developed a whole new understanding/plant medicine download of what forgiveness actually is.
For the very first time in my whole life I got it. Deep.
Wanna hear it?
It goes like this:
The sound of the word implies that we must GIVE something in order to experience this miraculous, “forgiveness” thing that sets us free.
The problem perhaps is that we forget in our human world, particularly I think as women, that GIVING must not only be to others.
In fact here we must GIVE to ourselves.
We must fill our cup (with love) and then allow it to run over into the lives of others.
We cannot give what we do not have. We just can’t.
And when we leave our POWER in the past we can only show up depleted, worn down and expecting others to fill us up or give to us what we don’t seem able to claim for ourselves.
So here is my new definition of FORGIVENESS.
I take back my power.
In all the places I gave it away or am giving it away now.
In all the moments from the past – in all the wrongs others may have done to me.
In all the ways I am allowing ANYONE ELSE’S actions, words or thoughts to govern how I feel, how I live or the choices I make.
And especially from the ones who are not or never have been trustworthy – who do not have the CAPACITY in themselves to be given my trust.
From all those places, moments, and people.
I call back my power.
When we look at the root of the word Forgive it actually comes from the old english word, “forgiefan.”
Forgiefan CAN mean something similar to what it sounds like in english. To give completely.
But it has another, perhaps deeper meaning.
“To give completely in marraige.”
Stay with me here.
In many Spiritual traditions it is well known that before we can be in relationship with another human, we must first find wholeness in ourselves. This is sometimes expressed as an inner “Union” or “Marriage” and could be thought of as marraige to the Divine.
What if we give ourselves completely to Ourselves. What if we give ourselves completely to God/Buddha/Love/Jesus/Creator/Divine?
Because forgiveness is also about giving UP ourselves.
But not to the one who hurt us in the past.
That one gets boundaries. Nice firm ones.
We give ourselves up to the DIVINE.
What if we give ourselves so FULLY to Ourselves.
What if we take back our Power?
Because when you fully reclaim your power, eventually YOU are the only one who gets to decide how you feel in any given moment.
When you fully claim your power, you are the one who gets to create your life.
What is one thing you can do today to reclaim your power?
or email josea@email@example.com
Want support to reclaim stuck parts of yourself?
Check out my 6 month Deep Soul Recovery Program or apply for a free 30 minute Stress Breakthrough Session
ps. If anyone knows the source of this painting please comment and let me know so I can post credit!!!